Choose between “the man” or “the woman”:
- Who should ask someone for a date?
- Who should pay for the date?
- Who should plan the date?
- Who should pick up the date?
- Who should say thank you at the end of the date?
If you answered “the man”for 1-4 and “the woman” for number 5, congratulations, you are ready for a first date!
At least, that’s what society would have you think. Notice how the man is so active and the woman is so passive? Shouldn’t we be more equal in dating? Mary Laner and Nicole Ventrone, two researchers, would argue yes, and for good reason.
In a recent article, they studied some dating books you might have heard of, like the Complete Idiot’s Guide series or Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. If you have heard of these, maybe you’ve seen some of the advice they give.
Advice for men
- Be romantic
- Listen attentively
- Build your partner’s trust.
- Spend time cuddling
- Agree to do things with her family and friends
Advice for women
- Don’t expect commitment after the first date
- Never compare him to previous dating partners
- Don’t snoop
- Don’t nag him into talking about his feelings
- Let him withdraw now and then
But men, don’t you sometimes compare dates to other women? And women, don’t you sometimes talk too much and forget to listen? Shouldn’t the same advice be given to both men and women? What if we replaced him with her or woman with man?
Let’s try it: Women be polite to your date–let him talk about himself and ask you questions about yourself.
Men, don’t compare her to your previous dating partners.
How did that feel? Was it uncomfortable? Fine? Liberating? The next time you go on a date, use this trick to give yourself the freedom to act outside of your gender expectations. Maybe you’ll find that it’s easier to connect with your partner because you aren’t so worried about acting “appropriately”.
You can read the full article here.
And to see how ready you are to date seriously, take our READY Assessment!
Written by: Dallin