Relationships are not always easy all the time.
If you find yourself in a difficult situation in your relationship you may want to think twice before sharing your relationship or marital woes. Sharing details can cloud your thinking and make you second guess your decisions.
You may think it will be fine, I just need a little bit of advice this time, however, it opens up a form of dependency on others, if you are not careful.
Thoughts that you may have already been thinking:
Is it ok to talk to friends about your relationship?
How bad can venting to your friends about your relationship really be?
How can I find someone to talk to about relationship problems?
In a recent study..
Researchers found that people who discuss their relationship concerns with friends more than their romantic partners are often hurting their relationship rather than helping. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that talking to your friends about your relationship is a bad thing.
At the very least keep this questions in mind to keep yourself in check and protect your relationship:
When you have a concern about your relationship, who do you go to first?
Do you talk to your close friends about your concerns, or do you turn to your partner?
Do you talk to your mother or other immediate family members?
Can friends ruin your relationship?
If you’re going to share parts of your relationship with friends or family, here are some things to think about to make sure you don’t go too far:
Always, Talk to Your Partner First
Relationships require vulnerability and disclosure, and sharing your deepest concerns with your partner is a sign that you trust them. Talk to your partner first and express your concerns logically and how your concerns make you feel emotionally.
This will also allow you to work on your relationship together, which is far better than trying to do it alone. Remember, that you will need to hear your partners concerns and do your best to understand their feelings.
After talking to your partner and actively listening to their concerns, work together to find a solution that works for you both.
People who work through concerns with their partner tend to be happier, feel more secure about their relationship, and perceive more trust and closeness with their partner.
Is it ok to talk to friends about your relationship? Maybe
If you talk to your partner about your relationship issues as often, or more, than your friends, you aren’t as likely to hurt your relationship.
You need to be sure that who you choose to confide in can be trusted and remain unbiased. They need to have the goal of helping your relationship as a whole, not just you.
In fact, sharing some of your relationship concerns with close friends and family is a great way to get new perspectives on possible solutions.
Also try to share some of the positive aspects of your relationship.
Your family and friends want you to be happy, so if they only hear about the negative parts of your relationship they may end up turning against your partner.
This is a quick way to drive a wedge between those you care about.
If you remain positive about the relationship, even in the face of problems, you will get better advice from your friends as well as remind yourself of the good.
Develop Long Term Thinking
Whatever you choose to share with your friends and family, think about how they will remember your concerns.
Even if you resolve the issues with your partner, your friends may only remember the concerns you have.
If you do share a concern with friends, it may also be a good idea to let them know when it’s resolved so they know you and your partner were able to work things out.
In the end..
Turn to your partner with your concerns about the relationship before anyone else.
Long term thinking will enable your partner and you to set long term goals and work towards improving your relationship together. This will inspire hope between your partner and you in the future.
Then you can seek advice from friends and family, but focus on remaining positive about the relationship and think about how your friends will remember the situation down the road.
If you would like to know how you might better communicate your concerns with your partner, take the RELATE assessment as a couple to see where you can improve.
See the original article here: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/pere.12042/abstract
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