Many couples look forward to the day they can create a family. Kids are supposed to be a joy and make their parents’ lives better. But this isn’t always the case. Being a parent is quite stressful. And as a result, it isn’t uncommon for relationships or marriage difficulties after baby to arise. That doesn’t detract from the fact that kids are incredibly important to their parents. But they also happen to be like little grenades, destroying any relationship dynamic you may have had with your significant other.
Kids become priority #1
When it’s just you and your partner, you’re able to give as much attention as is needed to one another. You can spend countless hours together. But when kids come into the equation, there’s suddenly less time for one another, one of many common parenting issues. The kids take up all of your time. This isn’t unusual. Parenting requires a significant amount of time, which means you’ve got to subtract from time spent alone with your partner.
Being able to spend less time with your partner can have an adverse effect on any relationship. Kids easily disrupt and can even harm a marriage. Kids require every second of every day toward their care in the early years, which contributes to relationship or marriage problems. That doesn’t leave you with much time to be spent with your partner. And what time is left over is typically time when you’re exhausted and simply want to sleep.
Children rule the household
One of many marriage problems caused by children is the need to make our kids happy. You and your partner may find yourselves putting forward significant energy into keeping the kids smiling. All this does is drain you. It’s too easy to let the kids rule the house and develop behavioral problems. You or your parent may struggle with the perception of perfection, always wanting the kids to be happy, when in truth things don’t need to always go exactly the way they like it. After all, your kid doesn’t always need to be wearing their favorite shirt or be served a sandwich with the crust cut off every day.
Kids divide their parents
As cute of angels as kids tend to be, they’re also incredibly manipulative. If they figure out that one parent is easier to sway than another, then they’ll learn to lean more on the easy parent. The end result is one of many common parenting issues, because co-parenting is incredibly important. Both you and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to how the kids are parented and what privileges they’re allowed based on their behavior. Your partner needs to work with you to present a united front to your children, or else it will wear down the bond you have with your partner. Kids easily find “cracks in the armor” and will readily exploit them if found.
All you talk about is kids
As a parent, it can be quite hard not to always talk about your kids. They did something cute the other day, they’re developing problem behaviors that are exasperating to deal with, and so on. Parenting and marriage issues are based on the relationship between you and your partner. It’s one thing to be talking about the kids when you’re at home with the family together. It’s another thingto keep talking about the kids when on a date night with one’s partner. Talking about the kids in such moments means you’re not really being a couple in that moment. You’re just co-parenting and have lost track of the connection that brought you and your partner together in the first place.
Taking the time to enjoy one another’s company is easier said than done. If you find yourself facing co-parenting problems in that one or both of you are always talking about the kids, you may need to reevaluate how you interact with your partner.
They are part of every routine
Whether you’re brushing your teeth, getting into bed with your partner, using the bathroom, or looking through the fridge for a snack, are your kids there? This can be one of many marriage problems children cause. It’s obviously expected that your kids will always be underfoot for part of your day. But when it begins to happen during every little moment or opportunity that you and your partner would normally take to have a private moment together, then marriage issues start to take shape.
Many relationships lack the foundation of communication that partners need to be able to share their thoughts and frustrations in private. When kids are constantly interrupting life, this can create a tension between partners as it then feels that privacy is a thing of the past. No lasting bond can be formed in a relationship when it’s constantly interfered with by tiny children walking in on things constantly. Any couple needs to establish boundaries with their kids and ensure that some form of privacy is maintained.
Kids are always between the parents
This seems like a small thing at first, but it can create negative effects with a relationship that might result in parents with anger issues. If whenever you and your family go out to a movie, go out to eat, or even go shopping, if the kids are between you and your partner, this can negatively affect your relationship. Even having your partner sit in the back seat with the child while you drive the car can be a problem.
It’s one thing if it’s for an infant that needs the reassurance of proximity to a parent. But when that child is six years old, the child and parents may all become conditioned to follow a seating pattern. As a result, one partner may feel that they can no longer expect you to sit next to them. They could likewise no longer expect to have hand-holding or adult conversations with their partner. As a result, this could create a non-intimate marriage.
Children cause overscheduling
It is always true that the needs of your children will sometimes need to take precedence to a marriage. But if every second of the day gets taken up with your children’s schedules, playdates, sports, and myriad activities, then your marriage or relationship will suffer. Consider your schedule as one of the marriage problems children can wreak havoc on.
From an emotional standpoint, it seems right that your kids would form the center of your relationship. But that thinking is ultimately a huge mistake. Your relationship should form the center of the family, after which the kids and everything else will fall into place. If you find your partner dealing with parent anger management, then you may need to have a candid discussion with them to help change how the family dynamic functions.
Coping with parenting problems
Parenthood doesn’t need to rip a relationship apart. You and your partner can adopt numerous strategies to ensure that you make time for one another and put a priority on your relationship over-parenting your children.
Take a couples or single assessment
One of the main ways to help a loved one realize that they need to seek out help in salvaging your relationship is by getting them to take a relationship assessment. This helps to point out problems and strengths in the relationship. Our Couples assessment gives people the opportunity to take inventory of their entire relationship and identify problem points. You can then use the results of this assessment to explore how both you and your partner scored yourselves and each other.
Simply fill out the questionnaire by truthfully scoring yourself and your partner on all aspects of the relationship. Remember the truthful part, because that is critical for addressing problem areas and helping a relationship to succeed.
Encourage your partner to see a therapist or try couples therapy
Once you’ve completed the assessment, you can sit down with your partner and examine the results to identify relationship problems and discuss the possibility of couples therapy. If you and your partner want to ensure that parents with anger issues don’t result in a break-up or divorce, make this into an honest discussion.
But if you can’t simply discuss the assessment results, that’s where therapy comes into the equation. With the results of your assessment in-hand, you can approach any counselor with evidence of relationship problems you might be encountering. A licensed processional can then use this during counseling sessions to help address the issues flagged by parenthood.
When you care for someone when a relationship struggles from the presence of children, it’s too easy to try and address their problems by acting like a therapist yourself. It might seem helpful to give them someone to talk to and maybe even “vent.” But the problem is that you’re not a therapist. Trying to play that role while also being supportive of your partner can become quite draining and may even make you resent your partner. You aren’t responsible for being a therapist.But you can help encourage your partner to seek out therapy.
Gently guide them toward working with a therapist. This can drastically help improve how they deal with the stresses of parenthood both in and outside a relationship.
Try therapy yourself
Regardless of whether your partner agrees to or resists the suggestion of attending therapy, you should still try it yourself. Such an effort will help you to develop the skills necessary to understand the signs of anger issues your partner may be experiencing and how to cope with your partner’s frustration over the stresses of parenthood. Therapists can also teach you how to effectively support your partner. Simply take the results of your partner’s assessment withyou and your counselor will tailor each session to giving you the tools to help your relationship succeed.
When dealing with marriage problems from children, help seems difficult to find. But it’s of critical importance that you take care of yourself. Going to therapy gives you the opportunity to also focus on your own mental health.